


"Magic Won't Make Him Love You"

by noblearthur



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-24 03:32:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2566709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblearthur/pseuds/noblearthur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Merlin walks in on Arthur and Gwen in bed together he suddenly finds himself jealous. But jealous of what? Could Merlin want more than to just be Arthur's 'manservant'? When Arthur forgets his anniversary with Gwen, she starts to detect something more than friendship between Merlin and Arthur. But will Arthur remain in denial, or will he realize that he truly loves Merlin?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Sarah (winchero) for coming up with the title and for being supportive in general. And thanks to Cora who encouraged me to post it in the first place! This is my first fanfic so be nice, and my tumblr is olivnder so check me out if you want.

Chapter 1

 

Merlin got up early that morning because Arthur had requested he clean his armor before the jousting match. He made his way to the breakfast table where Gaius had a bowl of steaming hot porridge waiting for him.

He began gulping down spoonfuls of the porridge desperate not to hear Arthurs’ complaints of his tardiness.

“Careful, Merlin. You’ll burn your tongue” Gaius said. “Why are you in such a hurry?”

”Arthur needs me to tend to his every need, that’s why” Merlin grumbled. “I swear, one of these days I’m going to show him just how badly he treats me.”

“Merlin” Gaius tried to console him. “Uther has treated his many servants much worse in the past; I’m sure Arthur cares about you more than you think.”

Merlin laughed “Well he has a very funny way of showing it.”

After finishing the last few spoonfuls of porridge Merlin made his way through the castle to Arthur’s chambers. He was just about to enter when he heard the giggles of a woman. “Gwen” Merlin thought. He opened the door slowly and started calling out “Arthur, I’m here to polish your armor”.

“MERLIN” Arthur shouted. “Get out!”

“But I...” Merlin began as he saw Gwen half naked beside a semi nude Arthur.

“Now!” Arthur instructed.

Merlin quickly exited Arthur’s chambers closing the door behind him and recalled what he had seen. “Of course” he thought. They are married; obviously they would be intimate with each other. He had realized how naive he had been for assuming that Arthur and Gwen were in a marriage with little intimacy and when he thought of them together his stomach felt like it was in knots. He ran down the hallway, in tears. “Why am I crying?” he asked himself. He stopped in the courtyard and dried his eyes. His sadness turned to anger. He was furious at how Arthur asked him to get up extremely early, and all to see him and Gwen in bed together.

His face no longer flushed and his eyes no longer wet, he made his way back into the castle. He saw Arthur passing through the halls and quickly tried to hide because he was embarrassed at the morning’s events. But his attempt at avoiding Arthur failed.

“ _Mer_ lin?” Arthur asked. “What _are_ you doing?”

Merlin was facing the wall behind a pillar and he turned around to meet Arthur.

“Just, checking for woodworm” he lied, tapping the wall several times with his knuckles. “Looks fine” he said.

“ _Okaaay_ ” Arthur exclaimed.

There was a silence of a few seconds but it felt like forever. For both Merlin and Arthur were embarrassed because of what Merlin had saw and neither were eager to bring the subject up. But, knowing that one of them had to, Arthur broke the silence.

“What were you doing, coming to my chambers at that time of morning Merlin?” Arthur asked in an accusatory tone.

“Excuse me” Merlin said “You were the one who instructed me to come and prepare you for the jousting match... how dare you...if you think...

“Ok, ok, ok!” Arthur said. “I forgot I had asked you to do that. But at least knock next time you idiot.”

This was typical of Arthur, Merlin thought; He never accepted blame and always had to shift the blame to someone else, specifically his manservant.

“I don’t know why you are so embarrassed” Merlin said. “She’s you’re wife, I don’t care.”

But he did care. In fact the minute he had heard of Arthur and Gwen’s engagement it felt like a black hole had swallowed him up. Some part of him never thought Arthur would go through with the wedding, but he did.

“You’re right” Arthur said. “I just... I didn’t mean for you to see”

“Well next time just lock the door” Merlin replied and left Arthur standing alone while he made his way back to Gaius’ chambers. He wanted Arthur to feel guilty. It was heart breaking for Merlin to walk in on him and Gwen. Some part of Merlin had thought about Arthur as more than a friend: more than his master, but he had dismissed this idea, thinking it would never happen and Arthur would never feel the same way. He had tried to suppress his feelings but seeing the way Arthur had held Gwen brought back all of the emotions Merlin had. And in that moment he felt devastated.

When he entered the doors of Gaius’ chambers he rushed past Gaius into his bedroom, attempting to avoid his questions at why he was home so early.

“Merlin?” A confused Gaius shouted.

“Everything’s fine Gaius. I .. uh... I just don’t feel very well so Arthur sent me home”. Merlin lied. But he was telling some truth as he had felt sick at the idea of Arthur and Gwen together, so he didn’t feel as guilty as he should about lying to Gaius.

Coming into Merlin’s bedroom Gaius said “Well that was awfully kind of him. I told you he cared about your well being.”

“Yeah, I guess so” Merlin bluffed. He knew that Arthur would never send him home if he was feeling unwell. He would tell him to suck it up and keep working, so he was surprised that Gaius believed this lie.

Exhausted at the morning’s events, Merlin kicked off his shoes and threw himself onto the bed. He hadn't felt up to returning to work for Arthur after that morning so he decided he would try to sleep the memories away. “Everything will be better in the morning” Gaius always said. But somehow Merlin didn’t think it would be. Although it was still early, Merlin had laid his head on the pillow and slept the rest of the day. Despite his thoughts of forgetting the day had ever existed he dreamt of Arthur and Gwen together. It wasn't so hard to forget after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin woke up early, his face wet from last night’s dream. He had immediately felt dread at the thought of seeing Arthur that morning. But Merlin knew that he couldn’t avoid Arthur forever.

Walking to the table he seen Gaius was already up and had again prepared two large bowls of porridge for them. For once, Merlin was glad to see the steaming hot porridge before him. After all, he had not eaten since the previous morning. He had not thought to eat because his mind was too focused on what had happened yesterday but he now realised that hunger could have contributed to the knotting feeling in his stomach yesterday.

Sitting down, Gaius eyed him and joined him at the table.

“Feeling better?” Gaius asked as he blew on his porridge.

“Much, thanks” Merlin lied as he gulped down his porridge. He had felt much worse but was in no position to open his heart to Gaius.

“I see your need to rush your breakfast hasn’t changed” Gaius observed.

“Yeah well Arthur’s obsession with my early arrival hasn’t either” Merlin snapped.

Sensing something was wrong Gaius asked “Are you feeling quite alright Merlin? You seemed upset yesterday”

“I told you, I just wasn’t feeling well” Merlin said softly. “Anyway I have to go. Thanks for breakfast”.

Before Gaius could say anything more, Merlin was already out the door leaving half a bowl of porridge behind. He wasn’t so hungry after all.

 

Rushing into Arthur chamber’s Merlin observed that Arthur was sitting at his desk. He hadn’t noticed Merlin come in and had not changed into his king wear yet.

Nervously Merlin walked over to his desk without saying anything. Arthur looked deep in thought and then he glanced up to see Merlin looking down at him.

“Merlin!” Arthur said shocked. Merlin thought he had seen a smile when Arthur bellowed his name, but he dismissed this thought. Arthur was never glad to see him, he reminded himself.

Arthur stood up, his gaze still fixed on Merlin.

“Where were you yesterday?” Arthur asked. He didn’t sound angry but as though he had been worried.

Merlin couldn’t get his words out but he managed to make the sound of “um...”

“Answer me Merlin” Arthur instructed.

“Well sire, I wasn’t feeling very well yesterday so I felt I must go home” Merlin wondered how many lies he had told in the last two days. He wasn’t sure but he knew it was way more than he usually told.

Ignoring what Merlin said, Arthur continued “You _do_ realise that I had to miss my jousting match because you couldn’t be bothered to show up.  I searched the whole of the castle and I couldn’t find you. I was beginning to get worried...”

“Worried?” Merlin asked in disbelief.

“Uh, yes, you know – I was worried because I was going to miss my jousting match.” Arthur unsurely declared.

“Well if you weren’t such a clotpole you could’ve got ready yourself” Merlin said playfully.

“ _Shut up_ Merlin” Arthur imitated his humour. “Now make yourself useful and help me get dressed”

“Yes, _Sire_ ” Merlin said sarcastically.

After Merlin had dressed Arthur, a knocking sound echoed through the chambers. Gwen entered, adorned in a silk lilac gown. When she seen Merlin standing in Arthur’s chambers, her face flushed a faint red.

“Oh, Merlin. I forgot you dressed Arthur in the morning” Gwen stated.

“Well, I’d love to witness him trying it without me” Merlin smirked.

Arthur glanced at Merlin with playful hostility.

“I’ll come back- “Gwen began to say

“There’s no need” Arthur replied. “Merlin has already dressed me”

Arthur faced Merlin “You are dismissed for now, Merlin. Go clean the stables or something.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and walked towards the chamber doors, passing Gwen who amiably smiled at him, his mind was now fixed on the dreadful task of cleaning the stables.


	3. A Forgotten Anniversary

Two weeks had passed since the awkward incident. It appeared as though everything was back to normal. Arthur still treated Merlin as his inferior manservant; attending to his every need. And Merlin had erased what heartache had been inflicted upon him regarding the incident. On this particular day, it marked the 1 year anniversary of Arthur and Gwen’s marriage. Arthurs mind was clouded with the chaos of being King and he was more subdued than usual; yet not even Arthur himself knew the reason why and it was this passiveness that had caused Arthur to forget completely about he and Gwen’s anniversary. His aloofness on the matter led Gwen to believe he was pretending to forget and that he was secretly arranging a surprise for her, therefore Gwen never reminded Arthur about their anniversary as she presumed he already knew.

The first sign of Arthur's neglect was when the blinding morning light emerged. Gwen awakened expecting a shower of luxuries, perhaps breakfast in bed but instead woke to find a panicked Arthur rushing around their chambers.

“What are you doing, Arthur?” asked Gwen, squinting in the morning light.

“Nothing” snapped Arthur “go back to bed. I forgot – I had – I have to train with the knights today. I was supposed to be awake an hour ago.”

“Training? Mmm hmm, I’m sure you were” said Gwen, mistaking Arthur’s words for lies and assuming he was organizing a surprise for her.

“Yes. A significant number of men have been killed just outside Camelot” said Arthur, oblivious and rushing to put on his clothes; a task proving difficult without the help of his manservant.  “If we come into conflict with the men responsible for these killings, we shall have to be more prepared.”

“Well, have fun with your _training_ ” smirked Gwen. “I’m sure you will train _very very_ hard”.

“Indeed” said Arthur, suspicious of Gwen’s sarcasm.

Arthur exited the doors of their chambers without kissing Gwen goodbye.

 

*

Arthur was hurrying through the castle, his mind fixed on training with the knights when he collided into a small boned person with an unmistakable scarlet scarf.

“Merlin!” shouted Arthur.

“Sire!” replied Merlin.

It was impossible to tell whose face wore the most shock.

“What are you doing, you idiot?” asked Arthur

“I was going to see where you were! The knights are waiting for you to conduct the training session.” said Merlin. “Honestly, Sire, you would think that you’d take your responsibility as King more seriously”.

“Shut up Merlin.” joked Arthur “I slept in. It’s not easy being King, you know. If you were a better servant you would have awoke me at the right time in the first place!”

“A true king can wake himself” laughed Merlin.

“Whatever. Let’s go before the knights impale themselves without my expertise”

Merlin and Arthur walked towards the training field, and as they approached it, Merlin looked at Arthur sensing something was wrong. He seemed more distant than usual and Merlin didn't know why.

“Right” said Arthur facing the knights “As you know; men are being killed outside of Camelot. Therefore if the culprits enter Camelot, it will be our duty to protect the citizens of Camelot. Get into pairs and practice your sword fighting.”

Arthur turned to Merlin.

“Merlin” he said wearing a cunning smile “I've got a special job for you”.

Arthur picked up a wooden wheel and threw it into Merlin’s hands.

“Here” smiled Arthur. “You’re going to be my guinea pig. Hold this wheel while I practice my aim."

Arthur drew a collection of knives from his belt.

“Wh-what?” asked Merlin. “What if you miss and hit me?!”

Arthur turned to the knights who were practicing their dueling.

“Well, if Merlin can’t even manage to wake me up in time, he could prove incapable with this task too” laughed Arthur.

A chorus of laughter erupted from the knights. Gwaine stopped his sword in the air to give Merlin a reassuring look.

Without delay, Arthur began throwing knives at the wheel held by Merlin.

“I’ll show him” thought Merlin.

Focusing on the knives, Merlin diverted each knife far away from the wheel with magic, frustration building in Arthur’s eyes.

“Perhaps you require the most training, Sire” smirked Percival causing the rest of the knights to laugh along at Arthur’s incapability.

Merlin laughed inaudibly behind the wheel, now not feeling so scared of being hit by the knives.

“There is something wrong with these knives” bluffed Arthur “Training is dismissed until we have adequate equipment."

“But our swords are fine” called Gwaine.

“I said training is dismissed” snapped Arthur. “Merlin, help me carry the equipment back into the castle.”

Following Arthur with the equipment, Merlin didn't gloat on Arthur’s inadequacy as he sensed something more was bothering Arthur than his inability to throw knives. In fact, one word was not said until both Merlin and Arthur returned to Arthur’s chambers.

“Are you alright Sire?” asked Merlin.

“I’m fine Merlin, just – tired.” replied Arthur.

Sitting down at his desk Arthur looked paler than usual.

“You look like you could use a drink” said Merlin.

“Going to the tavern is one of the last things I have time for.” said Arthur “I know you spend all your time in it because you have nothing better to do –

“Fine!” bellowed Merlin appearing hurt by Arthur’s words.

Merlin began to walk away when Arthur called

“Merlin. I  - I didn't mean it.”

“It’s fine” said Merlin bitterly, continuing towards the chamber doors

“Merlin!” shouted Arthur and Merlin stopped and turned to face Arthur. “I’ll go to the tavern with you – If that will shut you up.”

Merlin couldn't help but smile and observed a small smile emerging on Arthur’s face.

“As long as you’re paying” Merlin laughed.

“I don’t have to pay” smiled Arthur “I’m the king”.

 

*

In no time at all, Arthur and Merlin were walking to the tavern, Arthur occasionally telling Merlin to “shut up” and playfully pushing him. They entered the tavern to find the knights at a circular table, all jovially drinking and talking.

“Aaaaah” shouted the knights "Arthur!"

“Finally took a break, Sire?” cried one of the knights.

Merlin sat down beside Gwaine who amiably nudged him and Arthur sat down in the spare seat beside Merlin.

“Alright, alright” said Arthur “Don’t get too excited. I only came because Merlin would cry if I didn't” Arthur smiled in Merlin’s direction, Merlin playfully rolling his eyes at him in return.

Time went on into the early hours of the morning and as more drinks were consumed, the knights left one by one until it was only Arthur and Merlin left.

“Another one!” shouted Arthur, who had consumed quite a few beverages already.

“Um, Sire, I think you've had enough” said Merlin who only had one drink.

“Loosen up, _Mer_ lin!” slurred Arthur.

“Right, that’s it. Come on. Let’s get you out of here.” said Merlin

“It’s not faaaair! I’m the king.” staggered Arthur.

Lifting Arthur up from his seat, Merlin put one of Arthur’s arms around his shoulders and attempted to steadily walk him to the door. When they exited the tavern, Arthur shouted

“You’re not half bad Merlin.”

“Is that a compliment?” asked Merlin “Ha-ha, I think you've had too much to drink.”

“I mean it! I wouldn't last a day without you” Arthur declared drowsily.

Merlin looked at Arthur with a smile and Arthur returned it. Their eye contact was broken by the sound of more drunkards exiting the bar.

“A-hem, well – em - we better get back” said Merlin.

Merlin walked Arthur back to the castle, and too drowsy to bid goodbye to Merlin, Arthur staggered into his chambers. Squinting his tired eyes, he observed a female figure sitting on their bed. It was Gwen.

“How could you, Arthur?!” cried Gwen “I can’t believe you forgot our anniversary!”


	4. Chapter 4

Gwen’s anger at Arthurs “selfishness” had an immediate effect on Arthur’s insobriety, and what followed was hours of heated discourse, Gwen claiming Arthur “only thought about himself” and Arthur stating he “had enough to worry about”.

In the middle of the argument Gwen cried “Were you with another woman? Were you cheating on me, Arthur?”

“No!” replied Arthur. “Of course not, I just went to the tavern. That’s all”

“With who?” questioned Gwen who now wore a look of curiosity upon her tear stained face.

“Just Merlin” answered Arthur, his eyes fixated on the dusty ground.

“It seems like all you do is spend time with Merlin!” snapped Gwen.

“He’s my servant Guinevere!” Arthur snapped back. “Surely you can’t be bitter about me and _Mer_ lin – it’s obligatory. It’s not as if I choose to spend time with him -”

“It was obligatory for you and him to go to the tavern together?” Interjected Gwen. “I hardly think that being the king entails going to the tavern with your _servant_ ”.

“You were a servant once” retaliated Arthur.

“I am well aware of that Arthur,” replied Gwen.

“Well, then why do you speak of Merlin with such distaste?”

Gwen sighed and put her now moist face in her hands. “I just thought... you would remember our anniversary, that’s all”.

This provoked certain guilt in Arthur who now slightly staggered over to Gwen and put his hands on her shoulders.

“Guinevere, I’m sorry, ok?” he declared sympathetically. “If I thought that going to the tavern with Merlin would make you so upset you know I wouldn’t have done it. It’s just there’s a lot resting on my shoulders now, I have to protect Camelot and it means I can be ... forgetful sometimes”

Gwen exhaled the tension her body was harbouring.

“You’re right Arthur, I overreacted”

“How about we just forget about it? Arthur suggested.

Gwen nodded and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

*

The early hours of the morning saw a darkly cloaked figure emerge from the unlit castle and swish into the forest just outside of Camelot.

It was Morgana. And waiting for her was her sizable army of Southrons' dressed in equally black garments emphasizing their robust exteriors.

She eyed them with authority and stood before their gaze.

She addressed them “As you know men, our plan to undermine Arthur and rule Camelot is underway. I presume that Arthur and his knights have detected our ambushes outside of Camelot, but he and his deplorable knights cannot act until we enter the vicinity of Camelot.”

The Southrons looked at one another.

“Why are you here, Lady Morgana?” Helios asked, “I thought everything was going according to plan”.

“Not everything, Helios” Morgana announced. “We have a sorcerer in our midst”.

A commotion erupted from the men.

“I assure you, lady. None of our men are sorcerers’” Helios proclaimed.

“I did not mean our men, Helios” Morgana declared “Arthur’s manservant, Merlin.”

“Surely not him” one of the Southron’s said. A few distant laughs echoed from the back of the throng of men.

“I would not lie, but I must say that he needs to be drove from Camelot if we are ever to inhabit it. We can not have Merlin’s sorcery preventing us from conquering Camelot”

“We could arrange his demise, Lady Morgana” Helios said.

“Take care not to get too distracted, Helios. That would be highly suspicious. I will take care of it, but we must not attract too much attention to ourselves whilst the manservant remains by Arthur’s side. Once Merlin leaves Camelot we will conquer Camelot without sorcery’s threat”

“Yes, Lady Morgana” they said in unison.

Like a flash of lightning Morgana was gone, her mind transfixed on eliminating the threat of Merlin and his sorcery.

 

*

It was the next day when Arthur awoke early and prepared for a quick hunting trip outside the boundaries of Camelot. Merlin was helping Arthur to clothe himself with his hunting gear as a serene silence permeated the air.

When Merlin had finished he declared “Ok, we are ready to go”.

Arthur turned around to face Merlin, a look of perplexity contouring his face.

“What do you mean ‘we’? asked Arthur

“We as in you, me and the knights…”

“You’re not going,” announced Arthur emphatically

“What?” asked a confused Merlin “I always go, why wouldn’t I?”

“Do you know how dangerous it could be, Merlin? What if we come across those people who are killing? You know they’ve used gas bombs Merlin, it’s not a joke”

“I always come on the hunting trips. I’m sure it will be fine Arthur, I can look after myself” Merlin replied

“Yes, well not this time, I don’t want you to get hu- to – to slow us down” he coughed

“Well if you feel I’m a hindrance, then fine” Merlin said bitterly. “Enjoy your trip without me “slowing you down”.

Merlin walked out of the chambers adopting a stiff posture, a look of frustration dominating his face.

Arthur kicked the chair next to him and ran his hands through his hair. After wallowing in his guilt for a number of minutes, he set off with the knights for the hunting trip.

*

That evening, dinner was quiet. The table was laid out in a formal style and two places were set. Gwen was aware that Arthur had planned a hunting trip for today but was still saddened at his absence at dinner. She assumed that Morgana was joining her, and surely enough she waltzed around the corner adorned in a scarlet gown and elegantly sat opposite her friend, utterly transformed from her earlier ragged appearance.  Now that Gwen was queen, she spent less time with Morgana, as she was no longer her maid, and Morgana was frequently away from the castle which Gwen had never had time to question.

“I assume it’s just the two of us today” said Gwen sweetly.

“Arthur isn’t joining us?” asked Morgana taking a sip of red wine.

“Sadly not, he is going on a hunting trip today” Gwen replied as she took bites of her steaming dinner.

“I observed Merlin running from Arthur’s chambers this morning” reflected Morgana eager to bring the subject of Merlin up.

This aroused a certain curiosity in Gwen who stopped eating to glance up at Morgana.

“Oh? I assumed he would be on the hunting trip with Arthur”.

“He was muttering something about not be allowed to go. It appears as though Arthur doesn’t want him to be a victim of these mysterious killings,” observed Morgana as though she had no idea of the origins of the attacks.

“Yes, Arthur cares for Merlin… I have observed” Gwen said in a deflated tone.

Morgana set down her knife and fork and looked upon Gwen’s face with an artificial mask of sympathy.

“Gwen, do you ever think they are growing too close? – Arthur and Merlin?”

Gwen exhaled a sigh of exasperation “I was starting to think I was growing paranoid.” She put her head in her hands with utter helplessness. “What shall I do?”

This was Morgana’s chance to eliminate the danger that Merlin’s magic could pose to her plans.

“The only thing you can do, Gwen” Morgana advised. “Get rid of him”.

“Bu-but Arthur would be devastated if he left Camelot” Gwen sobbed.

“It’s the price you’ll have to pay if you want to keep him, Gwen”.

And just like that, Gwen was sure what she must do. She must repress any feelings of guilt and convince Merlin to leave Camelot to save her marriage. Morgana tried to obscure her delight at how easily Gwen could be influenced. She imagined that in no time at all Merlin would be gone and she could finally conquer Camelot.

*

And so, the next morning Gwen awoke before Arthur and made her way to Gaius’ chambers to see Merlin. She found him alone in the kitchen finishing his breakfast

Merlin sprung up and moved towards the door that was now ajar where Gwen was stood.

“Oh, um, hello Gwen, I was just about to go and help your husband-”

“Em, there’s no need” Gwen said with a tone of fabricated sweetness to her voice.

“What do you mean?” Merlin said. A sudden look of realization dominated his face “Wait, first he thinks I’m incapable of going on a hunting trip and now I can’t dress him?”

Earlier, Gwen was not sure how she could persuade Merlin to leave Camelot but this was her chance to convince him that Arthur though Merlin was “useless”.

“Yes, Merlin, I’m sorry but Arthur doesn’t think you are worthy of being his manservant. He tells me frequently, I just built up the courage to tell you this morning”.

Utterly devastated, Merlin sat down and looked down at a speck of dust on the floor. Gwen could swear she seen a tear rolling down his pale cheek.

“If he felt this way, why didn’t he tell me himself?” asked Merlin.

Gwen thought quickly “Um, I guess he just thought you weren’t worthy of his time. I suggest you leave Camelot Merlin, there is no purpose for you here now”

“Camelot is where I live now” declared Merlin “ No – you know what – if he wants to say this – he can say it to my face” Merlin sprung up and headed towards the door before Gwen stopped him.

“Merlin, it’s no good. He doesn’t even want to see you”

An air of deflation and sadness enveloped Merlin, he had thought that he and Arthur were more than a servant and his master; he thought they were friends – at least, he thought that Arthur believed they were friends. Merlin, perhaps, hoped for more. But now, Arthur was disgusted with his presence? Merlin felt a profound sense of dejection and now wanted to disappear entirely.

“I’ll pack my things and go,” Merlin whispered.

“I think it’s for the best Merlin” Gwen said.

Fighting down feelings of guilt, Gwen slid out the door, safe in the knowledge that the threat to her relationship was about to be removed. It was later when Gwen made her way to Morgana’s chambers to discuss her conversation with Merlin but was unaware that Merlin decided to bid one final farewell to Arthur before he left. After spending the day questioning where Merlin had disappeared to, Arthur was asleep when Merlin slipped into his chambers and Merlin could not bear to wake him up and face his rejection. Instead he wrote a note saying

“Arthur, Gwen arrived at my chambers this morning and told me of your contempt for me. I thought that we were… friends. I think it’s best for me to leave Camelot, as you clearly no longer want me to be your manservant anymore. I’m saddened that it had to come to this and upset that you didn’t have the courage to say it to my face. You are a prat in all senses of the word.”

And so Merlin left Arthur asleep in his chambers and ventured off from Camelot. Perhaps he would go back to Ealdor – somewhere where he felt welcome or somewhere new where he could forget about Arthur.

The castle was soaked in the moonlight when Merlin emerged from the castle. From one of the towers, Morgana peered at Merlin who was now walking from the castle and couldn’t help but wear a look of utter delight as she anticipated her victory over Camelot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this Chapter took so long, my laptop broke and I had so much schoolwork to do. Hope you enjoy! :)


	5. Chapter 5

When Morgana had witnessed Merlin’s departure, she returned to her chambers where Gwen awaited to converse about his leaving. They talked until the early hours of the morning and when Gwen returned to her and Arthur’s chambers the sunlight sliced through the windows and illuminated their bedroom. The ethereal ambience was shattered by Arthur who stood, stagnant, and wearing a look of utter betrayal upon his grieved face. He was clutching Merlin’s note, its ink now smudged with what one could only presume were tears.

“Wh-what is that?” Gwen asked, fearful.

Arthur exhumed disbelief. “Why don’t you tell me?” he said with a false calmness. He thrusted the note so it fell at her feet.

She wearily picked it up and read it. Her eyes darted rapidly across the page and grew more anxious as she did until she broke down.

“Arthur – Arthur I’m sorry, I’m so -“

“Why did you do it?” Arthur’s voice was booming with rage.

Gwen was paralysed with shock and could not bear to answer.

Arthur was not in the mood to console her “Answer me, Gwen!”

Gwen wiped tears from her eyes “Because I was afraid, Arthur”

“Afraid of what?!” Arthur was perplexed.

“Don’t make me say it Arthur”.

Arthur was looking into the void, oblivious of Gwen’s intent.

After a long pause, which percolated the air, Gwen spoke.

“You – You are in love with him aren’t you?”

Arthur drew back with utter shock “Don’t be ridiculous Gwen, where have you fabricated such notions? You are my wife, why have you grown so paranoid? He is my manservant!”

Gwen began to compose herself. “No, Arthur it is more. I can see it. You look at him the way I want you to look at me. He captures your heart; the light spills out of your eyes when you are with him. I can’t bear it Arthur”.

“Gwen, your accusations are built on the foundations of nonsense and misinterpretation. You are wrong”.

Perhaps Arthur was trying to convince himself that Merlin wasn’t the air that kept him alive; trying to suppress the notion that Merlin didn’t illuminate his very demeanour when he was in his presence.

Gwen ignored Arthur’s defence. “And what’s more, he loves you too. He soaks in your presence as though it were the bath of life”

Arthur removed his mask of denial. “What?”

“You are so blinded by your own love for him that you don’t see, he feels the same”.

Arthur retreated to the bed where his legs collapsed underneath him and he sat down.

After a brief moment of silence Gwen removed her ring. “Arthur, deep in my heart I knew that our love was eclipsed by yours and –“. She exhaled deeply. “I have to leave – it’s too much for me to see you with him. And I know you will go after him.”

“Gwen – “

“No, Arthur. We cannot remedy this. I do want you to be happy Arthur – I truly do. And I realise that your utopia is not with me. I will see you someday again Arthur, when my grieving heart can stand alone”

Gwen bent down and kissed Arthur on the forehead before gracefully exiting the door. Camelot was no longer her home, at least not now. She would live somewhere else until she healed her broken heart, and perhaps one-day return.

 

*

“Arthur, Arthur”

The darkness was anchoring Merlin’s body into the pits of drowsiness. He reached out for Arthur, but his body was made of air, each time Merlin’s fingers swayed through him and failed to grasp his body.

“Magic won’t make him love you,” his nightmares whispered.

Merlin jolted awake and shook off his nightmare. He had expected to be in Gaius’ chambers but instead lay uncomfortably on a log in the middle of a desolate forest. The autumn air nipped at his flesh and so he conjured up at fire with his magic. It felt odd; to practice magic for something so small, so insignificant but it also felt liberating. The fire he awoke would be perpetually lit until Merlin changed it into another object. _Magic cannot be destroyed it can only change form._ He would change it into a flower, or a butterfly, something that would decorate this dreary world instead of accompany its misery.

He sat down and thought about his departure. Arthur had been acting strange, but it was perplexing that he completely opposed him now. After all they had been to the tavern few days previous and Arthur displayed no signs of hatred for Merlin.

Alas, it had happened. Merlin must accept the peculiarity of the situation and move on. He sat for a long time, pondering his life after Camelot, but his mind wandered back to Gaius and how he would question his departure, how Arthur would carry on without him and above all, how he would ever replace the deep sense of home he had found in Camelot.

 

*

 

It all happened so quickly, and now time slowed down for Arthur. He was caught in between the world of his life with Gwen and this new, unfamiliar world. Everything was misplaced, yet somehow everything had fallen into place.

No, thought Arthur. I must push these feelings away.

The words of his Father echoed in his mind “ **“** _Camelot must come before all else! Even you!_ **”**

Arthur stood up and closed his eyes to deafen the maddening voices in his head.

He rushed over to his mahogany treasure chest and withdrew the Horn of Cathbhadh; a sacred object awarded to him for his valiance. Arthur thought of its origins. He had cut an elderly witch named Valdis down from the stake and saved her from her execution and this was his reward. Of course, he immediately went to Gaius who informed him “The horn was originally kept by the High Priestesses on the Isle of the Blessed and each year they would assemble at the Great Stones of Nemeton and summon the spirits of their ancestors to ask for guidance.”

And now, guidance was the one thing Arthur needed the most.

Obscuring the horn behind his clothing, Arthur acquired his horse and headed to the Great Stones of Nemeton. Arthur wore a vacant look of contemplation as he rode. He had resisted in using the horn thus far, but Arthur worried he would lose his way if he didn’t see his father again. Camelot had never been resting on his shoulders as much as it was now, and before he would go after Merlin, he needed to make sure that he was doing the right thing in accordance with his father.

The depths of Arthurs thinking led him to the location faster than he had anticipated. The stones cast shadows over the ground and Arthur couldn't help but feel intimidated. He jumped from his horse, took a deep breath and blew the horn with all his breath. Like a blinding vision, the veil to the spirit world opened and Arthur entered without hesitance. There Uther stood. He had acquired a radiant light in death that had been absent in his life.

“Father” Arthur stuttered.

“Arthur” he replied.

Uther still harboured the harshness he carried in life. As though the light that surrounded him was merely a mask rather than what he had become.

“I – I never thought I would see you again”. Arthur declared

“Yet here I stand. A product of magic” Uther said with contempt

“There was no other way. I needed to see you”.

“I’m glad to see you Arthur. But spirits, they whisper, they tell me of how you rule Camelot. You have befriended mere commoners, married a servant and have discarded my legacy. And now you dabble with sorcery? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Father – I – I have treated my people with respect, as though we are but one. I am not sorry for instilling love rather than fear into my ruling.”

“You are weak Arthur. You cannot forge bonds with those below you and call yourself King”.

Arthur was utterly shocked. Even in death, his Father criticises him. Even in death he favours fear over trust.

“I will continue to rule a fair and just Camelot. I am sorry if you don’t understand that Father.”

Uther looked dismayed. “Then know that you will not rule in my name. The spirits, they speak of this boy, emrys. They say he is destined for greatness, but he is also destined for you. Is that what you wish to talk about?” Uther inquired.

Confusion contoured Arthur’s face “Emrys? I know of no Emrys”

“Yes, many fear him for he is the most powerful sorcerer of this time. Merlin is his name.”

“Merlin? No! Merlin is my manservant” Arthur spilled out.

“The spirits do not lie Arthur, and the spirits echo your love for him and he you. You must cleanse yourself of this love. I will not have you associated with this peasant, and above all I will not have you rule Camelot with one who is “great” in the name of sorcery. I would rather have no son at all than one who rules with such disgrace.”

Arthur’s mind was racing. Merlin? Merlin could not have magic. All of the times Merlin saved his life flashed before his eyes and suddenly it didn’t seem to be as impossible as it appeared.

It seemed to Arthur as though the spirit world elongated time, obscuring the reality of the world, and instead enveloping him in an unfamiliar haze that could only be natural to the dead.

“I must go now, or I will be trapped in the world of the dead forever. Take heed of my words Arthur.” Uther mimed.

And suddenly an anger possessed Arthur and he shouted the words he had always longed to cast at his Father “You were a coward”

Just as Arthur echoed these words, the light enveloped Uther, his disgusted face now forever imprinted in Arthur’s memories.

It rained as though Uthers anger was at one with the weather . Arthur was drenched as his tears fused with the raindrops. The only thing he could do was find Merlin. His father was a coward yes, but Arthur needed to find out the truth of what he said. He didn’t feel angry more than he felt a sense of realisation. Merlin was all that remained to him, magic or no magic, he was tethered to him like an anchor is tethered to a boat; home to different elements yet never straying from one another. They were two sides of the same coin, Arthur was the sea and Merlin was the air keeping him alive.

And just like that, Arthur was on his horse again, calling Merlins name as if his lungs depended on it. It was hours before Arthur spotted a red scarf from the trees. He thought that his mind had fabricated it: that his vision had betrayed him and instead projected an idealistic picture in front of his eyes. But this was real. Arthur thrusted himself off his horse and ran with all his power cutting branches down with his sword as he passed. But an unfamiliar darkness halted him in his tracks. There, the army of Southron’s stood and at it’s head was Morgana holding a sword to Merlins neck, his pleading eyes now darting to Arthur.

Morgana turned her head to face him. “Ah, Arthur, so nice of you to join us. We were just about to slice your servants head off”.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long i'm a disgrace. I kind of experimented with past Merlin episodes in this chapter. Please tell me your thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Next chapter will be up soon.


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